Empty nest moms
Starting a new chapter of life can be full of mixed emotions for parents experiencing empty nesting. Mel, Amy, and Mic can attest to the bittersweet transition of kids growing up and leaving home. It's natural for empty nesters to feel various emotions, such as loss, sadness, anxiety & joy.
Even with these mixed emotions swirling around - it's an opportunity for adventure—a chance to rekindle those dreams you may have put aside or neglected in your parenting journey. The Kindling Project offers support through this transformative period, no matter how hard it might seem.
Want to dive deeper? Check out episode 5 of our podcast--packed with insights and fresh perspectives that will leave you eager for more.
Learn more about The Kindling Project at our website: https://www.thekindlingproject.com/ and join our Facebook group for women looking for that extra kindling to start their subsequent big fire! The Kindling Project - Ignite. The Kindling Project is sponsored by Memora, an experience design agency that creates memorable brand experiences. Memora is offering our listeners a FREE 30-minute brand consultation. Schedule yours now.
Keep your passion ignited! Stoke the flames-subscribe today so you'll never miss an episode..
-
[00:00:00] Amy: Hello ladies. How's everybody doing today?
[00:00:03] Monica: Oh, hi. Hi Amy. Hi Mel. Nice to see you girls.
[00:00:06] Melissa: Hey, beautiful fire-starters.
[00:00:09] Amy: We are recording episode 22. It's just really nice to see both of you again. We're gonna talk about empty Nest today, but first I wanna check in and see how you both have been doing anything new to report? I know I have a couple funny stories.
[00:00:22] Monica: Gotta say my husband's been traveling all week for work and listen, I am not the perfect homemaker. I don't make dinners every night. I plate them really well. By the way. I am really good at ordering food in and putting em' on a plate. But I have to say having him not home, I do, as much as I miss him, life gets a little bit easier. I don't know how to else to put it.
[00:00:46] Amy: You mean with him traveling?
[00:00:48] Monica: Yeah, it's just like, I don't worry about the dinners as much. My kid's happy with a subway sandwich. Not that I'm making my husband to be like so demanding, but it's just easier.
[00:00:57] Amy: It's one less person really is what it is.
[00:01:00] Melissa: My husband's not traveling for this current job, but he has had jobs where he traveled. I always felt like me and the kids were camping when he was gone. Like we'd all eat in my bed or , we just like you said, Monica, it's not like he had some expectation of leave it to Beaver, fifties housewife behavior. For me, it was like just me giving myself permission to camp out with the kids.
[00:01:21] Amy: Yeah. It's funny cuz when my boys were younger and I had friends whose husband traveled, I thought, gosh, that must be so hard because I know when my boys were younger, when Sean would come home, I was like, oh, thank you because I stayed home probably for about 10 years and when he would come home, I was so relieved because it was so hard having these three boys at home, but now that they're older and one is gone, traveling might not be so bad for him, but. He does not have a job that travels.
[00:01:52] Monica: Yeah. Oh, definitely. When they're younger, when they're babies. Oh, it was brutal not having him home.
[00:01:58] Amy: Yes.
[00:01:59] Monica: And he's always traveled, Kelly's always traveled for work and I remember some days, especially when he was doing stint overseas, those were very long days.
[00:02:09] Amy: Yeah. Yeah. But now it's oh, sweet, I can just grab something with my youngest, or if he's already eaten, I don't have to answer to anyone. It's like a night off in a way. We're in this space now where, we have an older one gone and a younger one here, the oldest here, but he might as well be gone because he's working. I say Rocco is now in the mafia because he does masonry work and he's in a union. , he's doing that. And so he's gone a lot. It's the winter, so the days are so short. So I feel like by the time Sean gets home, cuz he works almost an hour away, like I'm ready to go to bed and he's Hey, you wanna sit and watch something? I'm like, my day is over. I've put in like a solid. And so it's, we have to be really intentional with having time together because it's easy to just wanna kind of go in our separate ways and just be, for me, have some downtime and for him. So it's, there's a little sneak peek into our evenings, but luckily it's not always like that.
[00:03:06] Melissa: No, like I'm a bit of a workaholic, bit of a perfectionist, so I tend to just suck Matt into all my projects, right? He's like the IT guy for the kindling project, and he's helping me solve a website problem for Memora, or he is listening to my latest hair-brained idea. I kind of feel like I exhaust him. Right? I exhaust him. I'm using him up like he's bone dry by the time he closes his eyes at night. So that's kind of how that dynamic is going. Probably, that's always how it's gone, but might be something to look at as we talk about empty nesting, which is our topic today of, what does that look like when we don't have the kids as a buffer? Right? Something to focus on.
[00:03:47] Amy: Yeah. We are gonna talk about, that is gonna be our topic today, and Monica and I have firsthand experience. Melissa, you are on your way to this. And so what I'd like to talk about a little bit first is what is empty nesting? What does that really look like? So just give me a couple quick sentences. Melissa, I'm curious, when you think of empty nesting, what does that look like?
[00:04:10] Melissa: I guess it's that just redefining your life. If you're in a relationship obviously it's redefining the relationship. And if you're a single parent, what are you doing with your time that you used to donate- or donate? I guess it is donation cuz it's certainly not paid, that you used to give to the little people living in your house. I have a senior in high school and then I have an eighth grader in middle school right now. Their interest in my time has changed. Every year it changes, right? But more and more I see my 18 year old becoming an adult right before my eyes, and I know Monica, you have one in college. Amy, you have one in college. Elise's probably gonna go off to college or get an apartment or do a gap year. She's still kind of working through what her next phase is, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't include me! And of course, we're all kind of close to the same age, and a lot of our friends have kids close to the same age.
[00:05:03] So I'm watching this, I'm watching these kids in our neighborhood that we've known forever. They're going away to college and what is the proverbial emptiness look like for my friends? And what's it gonna look like for me? Mic, you're the first one here who had one go.
[00:05:20] Monica: Amy, to answer your question, it's just a really mixed bag of emotions and loss of purpose for many, or like the loneliness. It's this avalanche of feelings of, Hey, here's someone I've devoted so many years to, and all of a sudden they're gone and you're standing there with a box of tissues, for a lot of women anyway. It really is such a disruptor to the flow of how we have been operating as a family, and there's what I call a lot of, empty spaces? And that's really what it feels like. It's just empty spaces that, I walk in through my kid's room, it's a clean room. I'm like, well, that's new, because obviously I cleaned it after he left and disinfected the whole thing. But nonetheless, that's not the point. It's now organized and things are where they belong! And it is, in particularly my oldest, he was such a messy kid. He would destroy his room and now it's like, oh I miss that. There are moments where I miss that.
[00:06:13] Melissa: If you wanna come over!
[00:06:15] Monica: Smell some dirty stuff!
[00:06:17] Melissa: I have a teenage boy and we don't go in his room or his bathroom.
[00:06:21] Amy: One of the things that I've learned too about empty, okay, so there's, the first part is the empty quote, on quote, like you said, Monica that space. But then there's also this whole other component that I've really never heard somebody talk about- parenting young adults, and this is a whole new experience for me, and I'm sure it is, because they're maybe out of the, But they're still connected. They're still talking about what's going on. Maybe navigating a new relationship, navigating a new schedule, learning how to manage money, understanding being away from home, making choices that are not going to impact the rest of their life. And parenting. Young adults is, it's a whole other, I think it's the backside of the empty nest. I don't know what are your thoughts on that? Is that something, Monica, you've experienced?
[00:07:12] Monica: Absolutely, Amy. It's that almost grown, meaning they still need me. , they're 18 and 20, but they still need me, and that almost grown is being tied to everything you just mentioned. That they just don't need us all the time, and it's not all consuming and it's usually still very selective to whatever their needs are, not necessarily mine. But yes, we still get those calls and we still get those moments.
[00:07:38] Amy: Yes. And I think depending on where they've gone, we could maybe see them on the weekend, but if they're farther away, like my oldest, he's close to eight hours away. So I really have only seen him twice since August. And whether there's the distance or not, we're still navigating. And I, I wanna say, I think it's different for all moms, whether we worked outside of the home in a career, whether we stayed home, whether we did part-time, whatever. I think that there's probably a lot of the same variables that we experience, just maybe different circumstances.
[00:08:12] Monica: What were yours, Amy? When the boys started leaving, what did you feel?
[00:08:16] Amy: Well, my oldest left and came back and so it was absolutely not a great fit for him.
[00:08:23] Melissa: I think it's important to say that's common and it's okay. Cause' man, there's a lot of pressure on these kids and I, gosh I know at least a half dozen of them that came back and I just wanna hug all of 'em and be like, it's fine. It's fine.
[00:08:37] Amy: Yeah. And I know and thanks for saying that. I mean, he did do one semester at community college and then he went away. It's just not his scene. He was in a fraternity and he made a lot of friends, and I know he still talks to people, but for different reasons, that's his story to tell. It was not a healthy fit for him. So he came home and like I said, now he's in the mafia and he's in a union and he is doing masonry work. And it's great to see him because he gets up at five in the morning, he drives an hour away. He comes home looking like he's been on the railroad tracks for all these hours. I mean, he is working his fingers to the bone and he's being consistent and I'm so proud of him. But he's gone a lot and he's always been a very social kid. So he has his friends, so he's doing that.
[00:09:29] The middle one- when he left, my, as you both know, my soul was crushed. I learned over time that it wasn't so much about Jack leaving, it was about, gosh, so much comes back to my sister's passing for me in these years, but it was a couple years out and I realized that, with Jack leaving and then my niece Elizabeth Ann, living with us for the last year and a half, they were my smoke screens to be busy and to be focused. And when they left, I feel that my grief really hit me. And so them leaving was just soul crushing. And I cried and cried and I was like, wow, what's going on? And I realized, and I came to terms and that's when I got into therapy, I upped my meds. I'm much more back on track today, thank goodness. But I'm grateful. Now I have my youngest who's a sophomore in high school, and I told him like, we gotta find some things in common. We gotta just start doing things cause' he's very much of a homebody. So I'm meeting him where he's at basically. Half in half out of empty nesting, but definitely parenting young people, whole other conversation. Right.
[00:10:39] Melissa: Yeah, and I think it's nice that you're sharing and admitting that you yourself are a therapist, but you knew when it was time for you to get a therapist. That, this is a perfectly normal time in life to get some more support and get some help to deal with loss or grief or transition or change. I mean, all of these things are coming up in our community that we've created and coming up in our friendships and in our neighborhood circles. This is just where we are. The kids are flying the nest.
[00:11:10] Monica: Right. And I know we're not talking about loss, but I think to your point, Amy, Boy does it have a sneaky way of showing up. It's like waves. They come crashing in when you least expect it, just when you think you've got this whole grief thing down, boom. It knocks you out. So I really do empathize with what you're saying there. For me it was a little opposite with empty nester because I actually have had a interesting experience when my oldest left. I was overjoyed to the point where I was annoying. I was so excited I couldn't wait for him to start this new chapter. I mean, girls, I was going around talking about him. This, that packing for him and when I left him too, I felt nothing to the point where it brought me guilt because I had so many of my other friends describing your emotions, amy, soul crushing, and I left a piece of my heart in Michigan, whatever dorm room I was like, what are people talking about? And why aren't I feeling this way? So that brought in a lot of shame well, checking in with my mommy meter. What's wrong with me? What am I missing? Why am I so excited for this kid, who I like very much by the way, this little human being, I really like him. He's a really cool dude. Why am I so excited? Then I started understanding. Oh wait, well wait a minute. It's not me necessarily, it's just the way I parented. I've always known that my kids are on borrowed time, and I've had that mentality, that mindset from very early on, and I think it's helped me get to this point. Now, having said all that, with a disclaimer: as my second one is getting ready to take flight. I might be a total mess, and maybe it was because my first one is only in Ann Arbor. I mean, there's multiple things , but I know with my first one, I was so excited. And I was like, bye-bye. Get outta here.
[00:13:00] Melissa: Right. And you were celebrating his success cause' it's no small feat. Like he worked hard and he achieved something. And it is like a bag of mixed emotions, right? I have a senior right now and. Thinking about prom and a graduation party and college applications, or, do I stay home? Or do I go? It's a lot. It's a lot on the moms and the dads or whoever the parents or caretakers are. But it's a lot on these kids too, right? A lot of pressure on these kids.
[00:13:29] Amy: Oh, absolutely. I wanna say something about all of that. I had absolutely no doubt that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. I knew a hundred percent in my heart this is exactly where he belonged. This empty nesting was all about me, and luckily I had the clarity where he knew I was crying. And I also told him, Jack, once I started to realize wow, what's going on? I realized that it was my grief really coming through. He has sorn, if that's the right word. I mean, this kid is having the best time where he is, and I'm so grateful for that. But I realize as a mom, I have to do some serious introspection because there's something going on. Now it's a little unique because it was grief, but it was also like, okay, well now what? And I think, like we said, a lot of women start to go through this. They start to feel lonely. They start to feel, emotions they haven't felt in a long time because now it's about you. What are you gonna do? How are you gonna pivot?
[00:14:33] Monica: I know there's a lot of varying factors here, but parenting style has a lot to do with it. I was listening to a podcast recently where Jerry Seinfeld was on, and he gave this advice like, Hey, parents, stop idolizing your kids. It's too much. And I see that in my world with my kids playing competitive sports or through the academia I think most of them have lost their freaking minds. To your point, Mel, these kids are on a pressure cooker and they go out there and often have to come back home because they do not know how live in this world without mommy or daddy , setting every expectation, setting every boundary, setting everything. And they get out in the real world and they're like I don't know. I feel like for me, my friends, hey. are we doing too much? And ultimately, isn't that a disservice to our children? And it's a disservice to us as women.
[00:15:25] Amy: Absolutely. Yeah. I've been saying this, whoever will listen, what is wrong with our generation X? And maybe it's happening in others, but why are we doing all of this stuff for our kids? I mean, we have to teach them how to do these things on their own. And a lot of that's not happening.
[00:15:45] Melissa: Some of it is a reaction to how so many of us were raised. I can speak for myself and a lot of people I know our needs weren't met very well. That's a vocabulary that's comes out of self-help and therapy and today's society, we talk about people's needs and little people are people too. Right? My grandma , I don't think she thought anybody was a person until they were about 24. She just put the kids out the back door with the dog, right? And and God love her. She was awesome! She was an awesome grandma. She was an awesome mom. But like through the generations, that sort of idea of talking about your needs and getting your needs met has become, more and more on the forefront or a priority, and I just feel like we've maybe overcompensated, right? I remember coming home to an empty house and cooking dinner and waiting for my parents, and one of them worked the night shift and one of them would come home, work a full day and then go to grad school and then come home, miserable and crabby. So I think I overcompensated for some of that of, I'm here! There's a snack ready when you get home! I think you guys know that I stay at home for about, I think five or six years when my kids were little before they got to elementary school, and then I started working from home, which is different than working in an office. Right. I could still see them most of the time. I mean, they were interrupting my conference calls or I was doing the work at night when they were sleeping or when they were napping or when they were in preschool or kindergarten. I made that priority to always be there for them and I think a lot of us did that. I think there was a generational pressure for us to do that.
[00:17:13] Monica: For sure. I was just having a conversation with my mom and she was commenting on my sister and her older young adult daughter had a moment, right? They just like mother daughter. And my mom was like, I'm just not sure what that's all about. And I'm like, mom, that's because you had six of us and you never, with all due respect, you just didn't care that much. You just didn't have time to be that vested in our lives where we are so vested. Our parents just, not that they didn't care
[00:17:40] Melissa: it wasn't the expectation.
[00:17:42] Amy: Yeah, I mean, my mom didn't have us on 360. She didn't know my every single move. She just trusted that we would go to the community pool for the day and we'd come back in one piece. I mean, she didn't come up and bring us lunch and, edamame and sushi. And I think that's one of the reasons why we are so independent in many ways, but let's be honest, it has gone overkill. And I think it's safe to say the three of us do not parent that way, and there's absolutely no judgment. For anybody that's listening, there is no judgment on how we parent because we have to absolutely do what is right for us. My whole thing is, for so long, and I still am, but I've always been advocating for women as a feminist, as an advocate. But now I had these three boys, so I feel like my job has been to raise good men. And I hope that I have done that and I'm still working on it. We have to find what is best for us as moms, as parents, and I would tell my boys, look, your wife one day if they choose to get married or she's gonna say, why didn't you teach him how to do his laundry? Why didn't you teach him to trim his nails? So I'm like, I gotta do all these things for you guys, because let's face it, the moms always get blamed when the boys can't do things right. It's always mom's fault in some way or another.
[00:18:58] Melissa: Amy, you and I had this conversation the other day and I started this conversation with one of my teens. There's always an opportunity cost, right? Like we live in a very high achieving community, right? It's a 10 rated school and there's a dozen Valedictorians, and everyone's going off to Ivy League schools or getting sports scholarships. There's just a lot of this pressure and a lot of this overachieving. And I was explaining to Miles, there's a cost to that too, right? We could live in a small town where maybe you could be the Valedictorian! Maybe you could be the starter on the basketball team! You have the advantages that we chose to put you in. But there's always an opportunity cost, no matter what you do, if you work, if you stay home, if you're in a A-rated school district or you're in a C rated school district, there's always something you're not doing because you're doing the thing you chose to do. Right. And I could really see that dawning on miles. Yeah, this isn't the only way to live.
[00:19:52] Monica: Right. And Mel, talk about how your perspective has been the opposite. Not so much from women who are like, oh my gosh, obsessed over their children. The other women who maybe chose to have more balance with a career.
[00:20:05] Melissa: Right. Oh, I have a couple of, just women that I love and admire who are just rockstar career women who also have one or both kids off to college and are having a regret feeling of, did I miss too much? Too many late nights working or traveling for the job. And maybe I didn't go to enough basketball games. Like Amy said, no judgment. Right. The media is gonna criticize the helicopter moms and it's gonna criticize the working moms. And it's that whole sort of mommy wars that gets created to cause conflict and to cause strife and conversation because it gets people to jump in and listen to something. Whatever you pick, you automatically didn't pick the other thing, and there's gonna be something that your kid comes back to you five years, 10 years, 20 years later and says, how come I didn't this or that? Well, you know what, because we chose something else. That wasn't on the menu!
[00:20:58] Amy: Right, right. One of the things I've always told my boys is I have a little slush fund. So for however I screwed you up, you have money for a good therapist . I mean, I am doing the best that I can. Your dad and I are doing the best that we can, especially for moms. We have to give ourselves that grace and say, we are doing the best we can. Cuz I think that we really are . For the most part, we do, we show up for our kids, but then we start to, to fall short in other areas. Just like you're saying, Melissa, you can't do both. Monica, I'm curious , because I love that you called yourself a corporate wife. I'm like, Ooh I wanna be a corporate wife. I love that. At what point for you then did you realize, okay, I have got this empty nest coming around the corner now, what?
[00:21:43] Monica: My life does not end and begin with my kids. I was chosen to raise them, and then to let them go. And I've met them at that level and now I push them off and I see them fly. I have never had these false hopes or thoughts that my entire being was here to be a mother. One of my jobs was to raise these two beautiful boys. But for me, empty nester has been a great opportunity. It's like, okay, well that's done. It's never done, but you know what I'm saying? I've got all this time now! Let's rock and roll.
[00:22:16] Amy: I love that. I love that. Thanks for that honesty, Melissa, now that it's essentially upon you, what are your thoughts?
[00:22:23] Melissa: I have a hard time predicting the future when it comes to my daughter. Every single step of the way, she has just marched to her own tune. I mean this is like almost a nightly conversation. What about Elise? I mean, we feel like Miles, who's four years younger, it's way more clear where Miles is going. It's always been clear where Miles is going, and Elise is on the meandering path, and so I think I'm just taking it day by day. I don't know. She's talking about going away to school and she's talking about taking a gap year. She's talking about moving to another state or trying to get an apprenticeship with an artist. The main part of letting go isn't about whether or not she lives here next year or not. We don't have a lot of say anymore. In some ways, like this cake is baked, this kid showed up. She was kind of an old soul from a young age, and at some point, We had a diminishing effect on the outcome, right? We just have to trust that, whatever experiences we provided for her, they're gonna be enough because I don't think she's listening much to us anymore. she still lives here, but she's really her own person now.
[00:23:35] Amy: And ironically, they always have been. We just see it a lot clearer as they get older. I mean, yeah, could we quote unquote control their nap time and things like that as best as we could, but they've always really been their own people and it becomes so much, there's so much more clarity as they get older. And I feel like that's her preparing you. And that's part of the parenting the young adults, they start to prepare you that we are along for the journey, but we have to be there. We have to show up, we support them and it is about them. It's not about us. We have to really be clear on the boundaries and what's in our hula hoop and what's in their hula hoop. So this is really where we intersect the kindling project and empty nesting in a lot of ways, because I think that as we prepared to become empty nesters or started to go into this midlife and all this kind of stuff, this is where I think the Kindling project was born in a lot of ways. What are your thoughts, Melissa?
[00:24:37] Melissa: Oh, for sure. The time and the energy that raising kids took up, that space is starting to open for us. And what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do with that time and energy next? And I think one of the things that the three of us are gonna do is we're gonna encourage other women to take a look at it and take a listen to those inner whispers and that little fire that's maybe dimmed over time and pick the next thing carefully. And I don't wanna leave women out of this discussion who don't have children. I do think that these transitions happen whether or not you have children. Maybe you were hyper-focused on a kid, or maybe you were hyper focused on a relationship, or maybe you were hyper focused on a career. And there comes a point. You have a questioning of, am I spending my time, and my energy on the right things or is there something else I wanna work on? And that's the idea of the kindling project, right? Something that I wanna put a little extra kindling on and see if I can stoke that fire and where does that take me?
[00:25:39] Monica: Yeah, I do love that we're always flipping the narrative on all these things that are really real and are happening to all of us no matter how they're being manifested, the emotions, they are there but that we're flipping in and saying, no, it's not all doom and gloom though, girls. Okay, let's just acknowledge that and now we're making room for adventure. Either through the Kindling project, either through social connection of just not feeling alone, I think a lot of us, it's just then navigating of, okay, I don't have to do this alone. And the community that we're building feels really open to that sisterhood of, we got you! We have each other. I love that.
[00:26:15] Amy: I don't know if I've told you two, I always pull out my data and one of the things that is one of the top five things that the profession of social work is deep diving into is loneliness. And loneliness is one of the five leading causes of death. Believe it or not. People die of loneliness, and I don't wanna take us down a rabbit hole, but it can feel lonely. I felt so lonely thinking about Jack and Elizabeth Ann leaving for school. I really thought that in, in this time in my life, I would be spending more time with my sister. We always talked about living closer and traveling and doing things like that. So for me, I know my situation was a little bit different, but that was part of my empty nesting was, it was about, oh my gosh, now I have to really think about what I'm gonna do.
[00:27:08] Monica: If we're flipping the conversation, the narrative on this empty nester, it's really what do you do next with it? How do you find this adventure? What tips or what advice can we offer based on what we've gone through? That sort of opens those floods of oh, possibilities. So what have you been doing, Amy, once Jack left and realizing, okay, that it's really more about you than him, but also moving past it was something else that you did, or just spent a lot of time being quiet and really paying attention to your feelings?
[00:27:37] Amy: I think it was a lot of that, I think it was a lot of reflection. Addressing the grief, addressing the emotions and honoring them. I didn't really do that for a couple years, I realized. To answer your question, Monica, for me, it's really honing in on my truth, on my intentions because we're always evolving. It's not just a one and done. We're still growing, we're still evolving. I call it leveling up. We're works in progress, right?
[00:28:05] Melissa: Absolutely. I think that empty nest or empty nesting, that's just one of many possible scenarios for transition, for growth, for change, for learning. We're addressing that today on this podcast but it's all of these things combined. What is the impetus for the next faze, the next thing, the big project. Small projects are important too, right? You don't have to always eat the whole whale in one sitting.
[00:28:34] Monica: Right. Yeah. And I think that Amy, when you talk about speaking your truth and vocalizing and putting words to it is so empowering. I do find though, a lot of women still have a hard time saying it out loud, and that's why I'm such a proponent of journaling and writing all the shit down, because you can really be honest with yourself, and that's where it starts. I always say you gotta start calling bullshit on yourself first before you start pointing the finger.
[00:28:59] Amy: I wanna ask you, let's say I'm a perfectionist, which I don't think I am, maybe I am, who knows? And I wanna journal, Monica, but what if it doesn't make sense? What do you suggest to someone who wants to, but they're stopping themselves from that journaling. What do I do? Go get a notebook, a pen? What? How does that look?
[00:29:15] Monica: Simple as a piece of paper, and start with a pen and start asking yourself things that are hard. Are you in a fulfilled relationship? How do you feel about X, Y, and Z? How do you feel about your current career? those are the questions. Are you still in love with your partner? Are you okay with the way you look. I'm not really prepared to answer to the world but I am prepared to talk to myself like whatever acceptance or non-acceptance I think it's really important to start having those really hard conversations
[00:29:47] Melissa: I admire all the journalers and the storytellers and the bloggers like yourself. But I do suffer from thinking about the reader, even if there's not a reader, like my brain starts automatically correcting the grammar. I think that's why I moved to painting. Right, because it's an abstraction.
[00:30:07] Monica: Oh, that's really interesting but I'd love that you found an outlet and I think whatever that outlet is, it sounds like, Amy, you have no problem using your words.
[00:30:16] Amy: It's a blessing and a curse. Sister, let me tell you. so we've all given some really great examples. I think for the most part we've covered what we wanted to cover in regards to empty nesting. And that's one of the reasons again, we are creating this community. And, if you haven't heard us say this before, the Kindling project is really going to be multi-layered. It is about starting as simple as putting pen to paper. Could just be grabbing a piece of paper, the back of a receipt. It doesn't matter. Just put it down. I always tell whoever will listen, my boys, my clients, my friends, family, it's better out than in. It's so much better to get things out than to keep 'em in. That's what I say about crying is wet words. I have a ton of Amy-isms, I call 'em, but it's so much better to get it out. So just even starting just with the pen and a paper, or for you, Melissa, a paintbrush or a canvas, whatever it is I really wanna encourage that. I say here we start the trend of it doesn't have to be an empty nest. It can be a lot of things, but it doesn't have to be just one thing. Yes, is it grieving? Is it change? Is it transition? Absolutely. But on the other side, it's the exploration. Of a kindling project, of a flame, of a fire. And that's why we are here, right? We are here to provide this audience, this space this community. And I'm really excited.
[00:31:45] Monica: I agree. I see everyone's told me that the empty nest feelings do fade and there's always that boomerang, right? Where all these kids are coming back. So we'll talk about that some other time. But it's it's a good time to be us, is what I'm saying. We're in a good fight.
[00:32:00] Amy: It's so true. It's so true.
[00:32:02] Melissa: All right. Don't forget to check in with me after graduation.
[00:32:05] Amy: We'll be there. I wanna end on this kind of funny story. So for those of you that don't know, my twin brother and I, my brother had gotten out of the army. He went into the army. I went into college and so we both came home with Volkswagen Buses. His was like a 79. Mine was a 78. We both had dogs. Okay. And my poor mom, she was not a dog person. She was actually afraid of em'. So here we come, moving in with the buses and the dogs and she's like, oh my gosh. Like what in the world? So we can have that empty nest, but the boomerang comes back. We'll see what happens. So how about we do a shout out, one person or one song or something that we wanna recognize this week? Melissa?
[00:32:46] Melissa: Give a shout out to our IT guy, AKA my husband, who has been setting up our email and setting up our online store for us that we're building and just basically answering all questions related to technical and computer issues lately.
[00:33:03] Amy: Yeah I was thinking about him. He gives a shout out all the time. I wanna give my shout out to my boys and my husband because, we worked a long time on Sunday and I essentially wasn't around the whole day. Normally that's not that big of a deal, but they had done all this stuff and in-laws and this and that, and everybody was like, Supportive of me when I came home, and I really appreciated that. So that's my shout out this week.
[00:33:29] Monica: Oh, I like that. I like that we're going after the men in our lives. So I'm gonna finish it too with a shout out to my boys. I continue to be so proud and I'm just honored to have them. But I'm really excited to see them just be who they are. So thank you, G I guess thanks to God I got to be their mama. I'm really happy about that.
[00:33:48] Amy: Yes.
[00:33:49] Melissa: So sweet.
[00:33:50] Amy: Yes. Well, you two take it easy and we will talk again.
[00:33:53] Melissa: Talk to you soon!
[00:33:54] Monica: Bye girls!
[00:33:55] Amy: All right. Take care!